cultural capitalism

here’s an excerpt from taibbi’s favorites:

THE MUTANT FREAK
Merrimack, NH — October 2007
So now, in the church in Merrimack, Romney is finally wrapping up. As usual, he’s jacked up like a skate tweak, and as a member of the audience poses the last question, he flinches histrionically at the sound of the microphone and starts mock-scanning the ceiling of the chapel for the source of the voice. “Whoa!” he says. “That sounds like someone up there.” Is Romney, who generally makes a point of avoiding religion and sticking to his business credentials, about to go all Christian on us?

“It’s like, you know — ‘Attention, Kmart shoppers!’ ” he finishes. The crowd stares at him in silence.

And I’m thinking to myself, “Are these guys trying to lose?” How is it possible that the Republicans can’t find even one candidate who isn’t the goofiest motherfucker in the room every place he goes? Is this some kind of trap? More to the point, how can the Democrats possibly blow it this time? But then you remember — they’re the Democrats.

HUCKABEE IN LOVE
Washington, DC — October 2007
Of all the GOP candidates, Huckabee seemed the least retarded, and the only one who promised anything like a way out of the seeming dead end that is modern Republican politics. He hinted at shedding the party’s legacy of laissez-faire whoring, and replacing it with a more populist economics to go with the still-resonating batshit religiosity. But Huckabee had no money, and when the spotlight swung onto him, he proved not quite ready for prime time. At a private lunch he held for reporters in a fancy restaurant in Washington, we all listen in shock as he hails the endorsement of Chuck Norris as a game-changing event.

It sounds like he’s kidding at first, but he’s, uh, not kidding. “Chuck Norris is just an amazing, amazing presence on the Internet,” Huck says. “His intellectual superiority exceeds even his physical superiority.”

From there Huck and Chuck turn into the greatest American gay love story since Beavis and Butthead. Soon Huckabee is appearing on commercials saying things like, “There’s no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard — only another fist.” Or leaning swooningly toward a black-turtleneck-clad Norris at a D.C. press luncheon while his wife sits grimly by his side, trying to ignore the weird, uncomfortable circus being enacted right next to her.

And this guy was the best candidate in the Republican field, by leaps and bounds.

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/23947840/my_campaign_memories